"Don't worry about those comps! You're going to do great!"
By "comps" he meant comprehensive exams. A classmate was trying to encourage me as I was preparing to face the biggest, baddest test I had ever taken.
"I don't know..." I replied. "I am a little worried about it."
"But that's exactly why you are going to do so well! You are worried. That means you care. No one cares as much as you do, Julia."
I had heard this sentiment many times before. People always view me as an over-achiever, someone who stresses about every detail, someone who always goes the extra mile just because there's an outside chance that something might go wrong...and, therefore, someone who is usually quite successful at school.
In this culture, worry is a necessary ingredient to success. If a person never worries, the stereotype they are normally associated with is one of laziness, under-achievement, and low goals for success.
It has taken me so many years to break out of this deceptive way of thinking. I have allowed it to creep in to my relationships with friends and family, my marriage, and, most dangerously, my relationship with the Lord. I have believed that worry will help me have success in my marriage and my relationships, and my relationship with the Lord. I have believed that worry is the way I demonstrate that I care about these things, and if I stop worrying, they might fall apart...and it will be my fault.
Oh my soul, be at peace.
You are not your own, and therefore you cannot honor God out of your own anxious strength. You must let Him honor Himself through you, moving you in His own power as you lie still in His grace.
Your marriage is not your own, and you cannot fix the little and big problems by exerting more and more effort and anxiety and worry. You must give your marriage to the Lord as you give yourself to the Lord, and trust Him to bear the weight every step of the way. Let the choices be His. Let the decisions come in His time. Let the fruit you bear be out of His love and His peace.
Your relationships are not your own, and no matter how stiff or fragile they may be, your constant attention and worry cannot heal or protect them. You must leave them in the shadow of the wings of the Almighty, and trust Him to navigate you through every conversation and moment spent together.
"Keep me safe, my God, for in You I take refuge." Psalm 16:1.
What would it change about your life if you walked in this truth? You cannot keep yourself safe. You cannot keep your marriage or your relationships safe. Only He can, and He doesn't need your effort on top of His omnipotent abilities! What would it change about your life to live in His refuge? There, success is measured only by how well we submit to His authority and power. All things flow from Him and are accomplished by Him. Worry accomplishes nothing. Living in His refuge means living in restful, powerful obedience, and obedience does not require worry.
If you really care about the things that you are currently worried about, you will place them in the most capable hands and trust Him to take better care of them than you ever could! He loves you so much, and the small details of your life are more important to Him than you could ever imagine! Dear one, let Him hold your life. Let Him keep you safe, for in Him alone you can find refuge.
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